Is it because I queefed?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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