Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
