this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
