i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
