when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
