I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
