I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
