I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize