My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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