I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
