there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
