I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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