I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
