Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
