i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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