I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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