i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
40s are totally the cure
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
