why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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