Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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