you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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