What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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