I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
