You're so nebulous sometimes
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
