so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
