Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
