You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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