then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
did you just send me my own nude
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