So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
