I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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