peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
