I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I need moral support for this bender
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
