So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
