At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
