I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
