I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
