do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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