i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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