You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
