Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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