The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
