Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
