new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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