She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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