Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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