so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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