i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
