I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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