I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
