We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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