smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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