Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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