I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
