Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
