i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
