We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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