that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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