Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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