my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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