We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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