You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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