Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
