he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
