OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
