was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
